9/28/23
One of the common concerns I see with parents is a fear that their child will not grow out of negative behaviors and not progress emotionally, cognitively or develop abilities to manage and cope within their environment; that they will be stuck on the same perseverations, express the same demands and possibly stay trapped in a cycle of meltdowns, tantrums and stims.
My belief formed through my observations and experience through the years informs me that this is not typically the case. I would never generalize this to everyone as each individual is different and to say otherwise would be misguided. That said, I do believe that in most cases this will not be the case. There may be a day when there is a ceiling reached and development in certain areas level off but I strongly feel that any first impressions or early childhood observations need to be taken as a snapshot in time and not decided as the whole story.
I have seen too many kids sparkle and grow at varying ages when they are continually challenged and realistic expectations are put upon them. Growth potential exists for everyone and depends on the input they are receiving from parents, teachers and the environment around them. As long as we are challenging our children we will most likely see even incremental growth.
The chances of “Timmy” perseverating on the demand that the water sprinkler be turned on at 10 years old as he did when he was obsessing over it at 5 years old are slim if we continue to expose him to new experiences and provide behavior modification plans to wean him off of the sprinklers and onto things that can provide comfort yet hold some significance to successful functioning in his environment. “there is growing awareness that risks, functioning, and resilience are not solely defined by genes and brains but have a cultural and experiential component as well.” –Developmental diversity: Putting the development back into research about developmental conditions; National Library of Medicine
I know there can be a temptation to pigeonhole a 3 and 4 year old as a troublemaker, non-academic or some other limiting label and call it a day at the beginning of their lives and I’ve seen it in action. I tuned into that early, almost as an outsider looking in on this world and finding some professionals and parents alike, to be impatient with children that were going to challenge them to be better. It felt unfair to limit possibilities even before a child had the opportunity to show competence. What chance does a child have when the narrative being created so early takes root and follows them from year to year, grade to grade? This can become a built-in self-determinant. And this isn’t limited to special education, it happens in regular ed too.
Depending upon how we choose to interact with our kids can mean the difference between the child that gets stuck in patterns, has a lackluster school experience until they graduate secondary education with limited skills and their families discover fewer options available to them which increases the feeling of helplessness and actual helplessness within a system that can be difficult to negotiate under the best of circumstances, or you have the child who, given the proper care and respect, opportunity and belief, are provided a chance to overcome those early barriers and catapult to greater increments of success as more socially appropriate, academic or life skills tracked achievers with perhaps more options post high school, including possibly college or employment!
*For more on this topic tune into episode 62 of my podcast by searching the menu bar.
Peace And Keep Rising!